A few years when I was having a particularly hard um…decade, my amazing sister Beth gave me a present on HER birthday. She mentioned that it was a tradition from either Star Wars or Star Trek or maybe A Hobbit Thing, and it was very sweet and made me feel cared about and loved.
So for my 47th bday, I’m doing that same Star Trek/Wars/Hobbit/My Amazing Sister Beth thing; I’m recording an audio version of my latest book FREAK OF NURTURE that you can download 100 percent free. But I’m doing it one chapter at a time, releasing one a week, and the chapters are selected to go along with the theme ON MY 47th BIRTHDAY; FOUR THINGS I KNOW AND SEVEN THINGS I AM STILL GETTING WRONG.
So here’s thing #1 I know; EVERYONE CRIES ON THE A TRAIN.
The world is messed up. We’ve got plenty to cry about. And contrary to what I’m pretty sure I read in children’s book only sold in rural Wisconsin, there is not a Toughness Fairy that collects all your unshed tears in a golden bottle and gives you cash for them at the end of each decade of life.
Listen (or download) right here!
Thanks to Tom Leger at Topside Press for creating the graphics used here! Check out of all Topside’s award-winning titles!.
So here’s the deal. Kelli knows from bad holidays and she knows queers can have some hard-ass holidays. Whether you’re coming out to your mom as bisexual at 17, trying to explain to everyone in your small Midwestern town that no, actually Jews really aren’t into Christmas, working with preferred gender pronouns that are not at all preferred or having trouble explaining your extended poly family to your extended biological family, Kelli wants to lend a hand. So here it is, her latest CD. TOTALLY FREE!.
ALSO this is probably pretty self evident but this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK NOR FAMILY OF ORIGIN (that includes Kelli’s family of origin too!) Use those headphones!
1 WARM UP: TEXTING MY GENDER
2 FIRE ISLAND ON A COCK SUCKING SCHOLARSHIP
3 TRIGGER WARNING
4 SOUTHERN TOUR PART I HILARIOUS HATE MAIL
5 SOUTHERN TOUR PART 2: THERE IS A CHICK ON THIS BUS
6 YOU KNOW WHO DOES ANAL
The CD is totally free BUT If you want to donate something to support Kelli’s series of health zines, F*** Your Health (you can download the first one HEY LET’S GO GET A PAP EXAM, for FREE right here (Fuck Your Health – #1 – Pap Exam – booklet file) you can do so with through Kelli’s link at Venmo or with the paypal button below. But no big deal either way. Just have a good holiday/few days off and remember you are super precious and important and anyone who tells you different is an asshole.
PS Wondering who Kelli is introducing at the end of the last track, It’s the brilliant Red Durkin! she is a hilarious comic who now lives in the Bay Area. Hire her for your next event!
PSS Many huge huge thanks to Theo Czerevko who did the original recording for this event and D’lo who generously did the editing and mastering.
PSSS Also big thanks to Stacy Bias who rescued my website from something Kelli did that made it disappear and Tom Leger at Topside Press who did all the layout and editorial advisement for the F*** Your Health Zine #1.